Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
