He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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