It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
