Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
