What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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