my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
