You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
