Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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