We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
