Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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