Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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