I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
