the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
