Nicole vs. Life
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
