I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
