escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
