no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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