i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
