Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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