Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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