Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
