I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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