I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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