the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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