I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
