Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
