Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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