this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
