i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
