Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
