I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
