I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
