Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize