God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it because I queefed?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
