Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
false alarm, still single
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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