So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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