I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize