he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
