Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize