You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
