I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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