Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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