I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
