You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
