You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
