Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize