I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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