god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
