Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
