It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is Oprah even human
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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