So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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