Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dick very happy bro
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
