don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
