I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
