I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
