If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
