This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
