but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
jump out the window naked night went bad
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