Do you still have your period?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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