I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
