I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
