I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize