Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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