I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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