Just mADE A PArabola og urine
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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