Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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