Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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