Do you still have your period?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
