Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
