it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
