Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
