All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
