college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
