I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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