How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
