What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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