No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
