Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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