And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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