Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
