This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
