Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
