they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
