That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
