god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
