i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
