Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
