I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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