So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
