fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i barfeds in our rink
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
