So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
