Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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