God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pants are for mortals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
