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We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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